Teeny Tiny Bump in the Road

The death of Barbara Billingsley (aka June Cleaver) has left me in a domestic mood.  I decided to try a new June Cleaverish task each day this week in her honor.

On Sunday I attempted, and successfully made, my first batch of apple sauce.
And yesterday I sat myself in front of the sewing machine!

I wrote about my desire for a sewing machine last year and was graciously loaned one by my sister in law.  Unfortunately for the last 10 months it has collected dust waited patiently for me to take a few minutes to learn how to thread the dang thing and put it to use.  June Cleaver week seemed like the perfect time to do it. 

Well, guess what?  I figured it out!

The story doesn't end there, unfortunately. Once I had mastered a few quick and simple stitches on the machine I figured it was time to tackle THIS skirt tutorial that I've had my eye on for months. I was feeling pretty excited and a bit full of myself.

Turns out my excitement was short lived.  One seam in and the plastic anchor that holds the bobbin in place came lose and somehow got mangled. This has rendered the machine unusable.

Don't give me that look, June!

Thankfully, I found a little locally owned repair shop online, called them this morning and the machine will hopefully be back in business in no time.  Just like June I'm not going to let a little set back stop me from taking my place in the house wife hall of fame. Wait, there is a house wife hall of fame right?  Otherwise what am I doing all of this crap for? I don't need the lousy sense of accomplishment I'm going for the recognition...

I'll keep you posted.

Do you sew or more importantly have you ever busted a sewing machine after one day's use?

The Right Way

My husband takes a boat load of vitamins everyday. Perhaps it started when he was a bachelor and his meal planning for the week included several varieties of hamburger helper and ice cream as a main course to mix things up. Because of the multiple bottles and his career that calls for leaving home at a moment's notice, weekly he portions out his vitamins into a pill box. You know, those flip top plastic boxes with separate compartments for each day of the week? You've seen them when you visited Grandma. Over the past three years of being married to him I've begun to take a few pills myself. I just mean I'm taking a multi-vitamin now, and my melatonin, and calcium because I'm getting older and my bones are decaying. Good times. Anyway, thankfully, the hubby had an extra pill box laying around that he shared with me. Now I don't have to open 12 vitamin bottles every night when the alarm goes off at 10 PM. (Yes, I have to set an alarm to remember to take my pills... I'm that old absent minded.) And every night I too use a pre-filled pill box and try to convince myself I am not 73 years old.

The other night, the alarm goes off and we're in the middle of watching some show... probably Matlock or Murder She Wrote at the rate we're going. Hubby graciously pauses it so that I can run and take my pills. I warn him that it'll be a second because I'm outta days and I have to get reset for the week. To which he responds, "Why don't you fill your pill box on Saturday like every normal person does?" This statement struck me as all kinds of funny at that moment. Half because he said it genuinely. Like there is a RIGHT way to do it. And half because I felt the need to defend my pill box filling practice. Like there is a RIGHT way to do it. And if you know me, I was ready to defend my pill box filling practice - to the death. Like there is a RIGHT way to do it. Seriously. We were just talking about filling a pill box. Like there is a RIGHT way to do it.

The whole thing got me thinking about marriage. How much of our marital stress is really just us carrying in our own way of doing things all bundled up in the misunderstanding that it's the RIGHT way of doing things? I'll answer my own question. A whole stinkin' bunch. We got married in our 30s. (Well, I was almost but 30. My husband is MUCH older than I am. Winky smiley face.) So, we had already spent several years figuring out how to do life as adults. Because we both managed to stay out of jail, remained gainfully employed, weren't crippled by debt and were functioning in relatively comfortable interpersonal relationships we estimated that our individual ways of doing things were RIGHT ways... in most instances THE right ways. As it turns out, some of our ways aren't necessarily RIGHT ways, they are just our ways of doing things. Now, I don't think this phenomenon is unique to those who marry a little later. It doesn't take 30 years for most of us to form opinions of how to do life nor to assume that our opinions are correct. Am I right?

I use my husband's pill box filling practice as an example because it is mildly entertaining. Rest assured, I have many, many of my own policies and procedures that I expect him to adopt. All the while scoffing at compromise and insisting on my RIGHT way, STILL. Three. Years. In. The whole pill box episode just allowed me to look at the issue calmly. When I felt myself blood thirsty over whether to fill the box with vitamins on Wednesday or Saturday, I realized how ridiculous I was being. And it opened my eyes about marriage again. Cool, huh? Navigating marriage, more specifically marital compromise, is really difficult. But, it's so good for us. It's quite literally breaking me, in really great ways and in a plethora of areas where I NEED to be broken. And that's a good thing, even if it's painful.

The thing is, I fill my pill box on Wednesday because I started using my pill box on a Wednesday. So, I ran out of vitamins on a Wednesday and NEEDED to re-fill the pill box on a Wednesday. There wasn't some philosophical reason why I did it this way. That's just how I always did it. The vitamins didn't work better because I did it that way. It didn't take less time to fill the pill box on Wednesday. That's just how I always did it. My way wasn't RIGHT it was just MINE.

So, even though it sounds like a silly - even incredibly minor - change to make, on Saturday I filled my pill box.

Another Visit

Another long weekend means more family fun at our house. This time it was Brian's Dad and step-mom who came down to visit. Man, it was a great weekend! Again, we had terrific weather, fantastic food and tons of fun visiting some local attractions.

After another killer dinner at Public House on Friday night, we started Saturday out a little lazy. It was great to just relax and enjoy our coffee. We had lunch at Blacksmith's. It's a great little sandwhich place with the most "delightful" patio. (We decided the VERY underused "delightful" was the only way to describe our time there). Not only did we have great food, there was a band playing live Latin music. The breeze was blowing and the sun was shining. It was such a fun, memorable time together.

From there we headed up Lookout Mountain to, well, lookout. The weekend's lack of humidity made for one of the clearest views we've ever had during a summer month. Of course it was cah-rrrazy packed full of tourists, and we still had fun.

After a little nap (it was terrific - I got to take a nap both Saturday & Sunday!!!) we had the quintessential July 4th barbecue dinner and then headed to the park for a concert and fireworks. The Chattanooga Symphony Orchestra plays each year in Coolidge park for Independence day. There were patriotic tunes, some military marches and even a little bluegrass... after all, bluegrass is so intrinsic to this part of the country's DNA. Of course it would be included in a celebration of country. It's a totally "family friendly" event. Connie, Brian's step-mom, said it best, "I never even worried about anyone urinating on me. And I didn't have to dodge any vomit." If you've ever been to a July 4th celebration in downtown St. Louis, you'd know those types of things are to be expected. It was refreshing to have an evening totally lacking in belligerent rednecks. What a wonderful way to spend an evening topped off by fireworks.

Family visits are a strange thing. If I'm being honest, I'm typically a little nervous. There are generally some unspoken expectations. You want to make meaningful memories, you want each person to enjoy themself, you want everyone to be comfortable. There's pressure, even when you tell yourself there isn't any. In spite of the pressure, I look forward to the visits immensely. And no matter how long they last, the days seem to fly by in the blink of an eye. In-law visits are even a little more strange. With my own parents, I know what to expect. I've known them all my life. Little they do or say really surprises me. In-laws, on the other hand, they are unpredictable wild beasts. I've only known them for a few short years. Nearly everything they do surprises me, because we're still building relationships. The beauty though is that In-laws are like road maps to my husband's psyche. They are the best ticket I've yet to discover into the brain of my mate. What's cool is that the better I get to know them, the better I get to understand my handsome husband. What an amazing gift! Even if I didn't enjoy my time with them, which I typically do, I'd treasure our visits.

Plus, we always eat so well when our families are in town.

Another Small Difference

here is a picture of a difference between my handsome husband and
myself. i really feel like it is indicative of the way we live our
lives.

we went to this GREAT hot dog place for lunch called "good dog". in
addition to yummy dogs they also serve "frites" (which is just the
frenchy way of saying fries). they have a whole condiment wall full of
different dipping sauces to choose from- like 20+ different ones.
seriously, lots of variety and plenty of ways to try new things and
live lunch in the edge.

i chose wasabi ketchup and "fritesaus" (which is a mayo based sauce
common over seas). brian got ketchup.
you catching my drift?

Thankful Thursday/ episode 20

i pride myself on my sense of direction. generally speaking, when in a car i can get my barrings relatively well and figure out where i need to go. i don't typically rely on maps, i'm more of a trial and error type of girl. and i rarely get lost. behind the wheel i'm fearless and confident. and like i said, it is something in which i take pride.

i am also a pretty stubborn woman. when i think i'm right, i'll dig my heels in and fight you to the death. and i admit that i don't always fight clean - i'll use verbal intimidation, sarcasm, insults... whatever it takes to make you reconsider your viewpoint (maybe even reconsider your right to have a viewpoint) and realize how correct i actually am. but notice i said earlier, "when i think i'm right" - because that is pretty much all the time. whether or not i'm actually right doesn't typically matter. if i think i'm right, i AM right, and i'll fight ya. don't confuse me with the facts, just get on board the molly train.

all this makes me sound like a ball of laughs to be around, right? especially in a car.

episode 20: "today i am thankful for ... a husband who doesn't say 'i told you so.'"

on two separate occasions last weekend i was dead wrong about driving directions. my patient(and generally not too great with directions) husband was totally right. TWICE. once i went as far as saying, "why do you argue with me about directions when you know i'm always right?" the other time i explained that the route was the route i took home from work "every day" so i "could not possibly be mistaken." and i said both things with a straight face and seriously believing them to be true. TWICE he was so right and i was so wrong. TWICE i had to admit how wrong i was and apologize for my trash talking. TWICE he was gracious, not at all smug and just let it go. he never even said, "i told you so." my husband is a (long-suffering) gentleman.

so today, i am thankful.

since u been gone

i had a few itunes dollars leftover from christmas and decided to blow them today. with nothing in particular out there that i NEEDED to have, i was just surfing around for something new. i stumbled onto the new kelly clarkson single and it got me thinking. one of my favorite genres of music used to be angry chick break-up music. now, thanks to my handsome husband i never find myself tearfully searching through the ipod for kelly's breakaway, michelle brach's hotel paper or anything by fiona apple. at this point it is an absolutely ignored chunk of music in my very diverse ipod.

back in the day, i was heart deep in relationship drama on a regular basis. roller coaster relationships were my specialty. the cycle of blissful happiness, crushing heartbreak, self medicated indifference and doomed reconciliation typically came full circle almost weekly. as you can imagine, there were lots of opportunities for singing along to angry chick break-up music at the top of my lungs. can't you just picture me? i was full of angst and really wallowing in it. kelly, michelle and fiona were my go to girls. they understood. they perfectly articulated my pathos.

my how things have changed. now it's more likely that i'm listening to jason mraz's i'm yours than michelle branch's 'til i get over you. after all, nothing obliterates the need for angry chick break-up music like a functioning relationship coupled with a lifetime commitment. and today i'm realizing something. the one downside to my currently stable relationship is the absence of impassioned singalongs with my girls. so, i've decided to try to incorporate a little angry chick break-up music back into my repertoire. sure the emotion won't be genuine. i won't be as raw. but the drama queen still lives deep within me and she deserves to come out and sing every once in awhile.

Thankful Friday (oops)/ episode 5

TGIF

and my husband is coming home tomorrow morning.

so, today i am thankful.

6 days down

have i mentioned that my husband is still in wichita?

but only for 15 more days. tell me that sounds longer than it really is. 15 days is nothing right? just a couple quick more weeks.

crap.

thankful thursday/episode 1

i'm working on being in the proper Christmas spirit. some minutes are easier than others. i've had a rough couple of weeks, but last night was a good night. and lo and behold, despite waking up to dog barf during a WAY too early potty break for spikey, this morning was good also. in an attempt to spread some of this joy i'm experiencing before it fades too far into the distance, i've decided to start a new recurring post.

hear ye, hear ye... i officially declare thursdays to be THANKFUL THURSDAYS at a foreign land. if it kills me (don't laugh ~ i bet some days it will) i will be thankful for something. i will in turn use this blog as a tool to be vocal about said gratitude. no thing is too insignificant to warrant attention. no blessing is too great to give it a shout out. so hold on to your hats, here comes a batch of weekly, random posts chock full of appreciation.

i just figure there are a plethora of wonderful things big and small that i have going on in my life and i spend countless hours focusing on the few things that suck (if you don't believe me just ask my long suffering husband!). and that just doesn't seem right. here's my attempt to change gears and reorient my focus. i'm wondering if thankful thursdays might just be the catalyst needed. wouldn't it be great if the switch flipped forcing the things that suck to take the back seat they deserve?

episode 1: "i'm thankful for... a husband who keeps his word"

not so long ago i got fed up with brian for looking over my shoulder while i was stalking on facebook. (i'm not off to such a good start, huh? the first sentence of my explanation of gratitude includes me being "fed up"... oh well, baby steps.) when i politely and in no way snarkily suggested that he "get his own facebook page if he was so interested in what was going on", he declined. however, one of my most annoying endearing qualities is my persistence. days passed and finally, fed up with my suggestions, brian responded, "fine, if you can get 50 people to say i need a facebook page, i'll make one." long story short... i did so he did.

believe me, that kind of follow through is not lost on me. in the end, that is a VERY petty example of an incredibly respectable character trait. he is true to his word. which is HUGE. in my experience, men (heck, people) like that are the exception to the rule. what a gift from God to have a husband that i can take at his word.

so today, i am thankful.

Yet Another Identity Crisis

I woke up this morning confused again. I’m confused about who I am, how I got where I am, and I’m unsure where I’m going. I look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself. I listen to my thoughts and they don't sound like me. It isn't that I don't like the woman that I see and hear now, she just isn't familiar.

When did I become half of a whole?
When did I start speaking in first person plural, "We'd love to" and "We have plans that night"?
When did I grow roots? And not just roots but roots in the SOUTH?
Since when do I care if I’m carrying my part of the household responsibilities?
When did I start looking forward to quiet nights at home? … several nights a week?
When did I stop thinking relatively and embrace absolute truths?
And why did voting nearly rip me in two?
It's awfully scary when you don't recognize yourself. It's confusing when you double take after every decision and statement you make. Talk about a difficult way to live. I surprise myself on a daily basis, and that gets pretty uncomfortable after awhile.

this is a test...

my husband says he reads my blog. i think he's just saying that to make me feel better. soooo, i'm posting this to see if he actually reads my blog. hey babe, are ya out there?????

i apologize for any inconvenience (or boredom) this causes those of you who ACTUALLY read this blog. thank you for taking time to read and for your comments. i'll admit, i'm pretty self focused most of the time, and the attention makes me smile.

anyway, i promise to return in no time with something much more entertaining, a little more insightful and much less whiny and ball-and-chain like.

emotional equation

too many hours at work
+ a lack of sleep and exercise
+ an absent husband = bitter blog posts

you know what cures bitterness??? a trip home

I'm inspirational...

on easter, my boss invited us to have dinner with her family. it was really great chance to get to hang out with a large family and eat a meal together. (that is definitely something that we miss being away from "home"). my boss has 5 sons and brian and i fall in age right between the 2 oldest.

one of her sons is the executive chef/owner of the finest restaurant here in chattanooga, st. john's. it is the super yummy, super swanky place where brian and i had our new year's eve date night. there is also a more casual restaurant that shares the same kitchen, which has become our FAVORITE place to eat in town. when i offered to bring a vegetable for the easter meal, i didn't think about the fact that he would be joining us for dinner. YIKES!!!!

i decided to bring a cold asparagus dish that is one of my family's easter traditions. it is a mayo based, lemon dip with blanched asparagus for dipping. i've been known to park myself at the table and eat this asparagus non-stop for several hours. i called my aunt in a panic to get specific directions when i got my mind around the big picture. - i was cooking for a chef who has worked under tom colicchio (better known as "chef" on top chef!!!!). fortunately, it wasn't a difficult dish to prepare and she walked me through the whole thing. i can't say that i went into the meal feeling confident, but i was a least secure in the fact that the dish tasted exactly as i remembered it from years past, yummy.

turns out he is a really cool, down to earth guy and i really want to be friends with his wife (who is equally cool and down to earth). not only did we have a wonderful time getting to know them, they complimented me on my dish and i believe they had seconds! needless to say, i felt relief. it was the icing on the cake of a very fun evening.

fast forward to last week... brian and i had dinner at the casual side of the restaurant before the alison kraus/robert plant concert (a whole other blog in itself!!!). i was scanning the new summer menu and noticed a new asparagus salad. since asparagus is one of my favorites, of course i ordered it. it wasn't until the dish was delivered to me that i the light bulb went on. sure his cold asparagus salad was garnished with some beautifully seared ono (an amazing hawaiian white fish), but it had a creamy white sauce and was served with a lemon wedge. pretty familiar...

now of course brian, my boss and her husband all chuckled when i brought up my obvious influence. but, it's pretty clear to me the impression that my easter dish made!

The Puppy - Chapter 5

So this week's lesson seems to be that there is a fine line to tread as a dog owner. The line exists to separate taking good care of your dog by providing a loving and safe environment and becoming so obsessed that life begins to revolve around every whim of the little guy. Since spike has come home, I have been dangerously walking that line. And I’ll admit, at times crossing over to the wrong side.

I think it is common knowledge that when a baby is born, very often the new parents become unable to think or talk about anything else. And while this can be annoying for friends or family who don't have children, the phenomenon is certainly understandable. A newborn baby is fragile and helpless and needs lots of attention. If it's the first child born to a family there are surprises, unexpected discoveries and life suddenly takes a turn in a whole new direction. New parents tend to rightfully acquire one track minds - there isn't much in the world more fascinating than or nearly as interesting as their new addition.

I say all of this because over the past month, I have caught a mutated strain of the above described disease. Spike has quickly become my number 1 priority, sometimes to the detriment of other things in my life. I talk about him, I think about him, I worry about him and I even obsess a little. There have been times when I have found myself unnecessarily altering my life to accommodate the puppy. Luckily, my husband brought this to my attention and it is something that I am trying to get under control.

The thing is, we got a puppy. We didn't have a baby. And yes, while life will change because we are dog owners it isn't like we have to completely readjust as if we brought a child into the world. Because when all is said and done, spike is a dog. As long as he is well fed and groomed, properly trained, sufficiently exercised and shown plenty of affection he's good. It is his responsibility as our companion to learn to adjust to our lifestyle. And not the other way around! (See even typing that was difficult for me...)

It is true that I love him like I never thought that I could love a dog. I love him when he is sweet and well behaved and I love him when he misbehaves (4 weeks of being perfectly potty trained and all of sudden this morning he pooped in the hallway out of nowhere?? What is up with that???) But he is not the alpha dog of this house, and I cannot treat him that way ~ maybe if I keep saying that I’ll start actually believing it!

There's No "I" in Team... But There's a "ME"

Living as a single woman for 30 years is not great training for becoming one half of a married whole. I grew up as an only child, played very few team sports and didn't have many long term, committed relationships. I'd happily go to dinner or to the movies alone, and I even did some traveling solo. It wasn't that I didn't play well with others; I just liked doing things my way. Individuality and independence were things that I valued. I'm figuring out now that living my life as such an independent individual provided very little preparation for being part of a team.


I knew going into this that a true marital covenant meant leaving behind my single self and joining with my husband to create a new identity. Not necessarily forfeiting who I was as much as encouraging myself to grow into part of something new. I knew that we would be sharing a living space, our finances, and all of our major decisions. Seemed easy enough.

Boy was I clueless! I had no idea how much marriage would impact everything in my life. There hasn't been much of the sharing that has been easy for me. My pride and my individuality have kicked and screamed from the get go. And I find myself in a pretty regular battle with my ego. I desperately want to focus less on what I want and more on what is best for us as a couple. But it is a real struggle. The battles range from the trivial (airplane pictures vs. Black and white photography) to a bit more important (spend $$ vs. Save $$) to monumental (bail on this town vs. Stick it out for a few years). Marriage is forcing my brain to function in a whole new way. Suddenly there is someone else to consider ALL THE TIME. His feelings, his desires, his needs are important to me. And often they don't line up all neat and tidy with mine! It’s time for compromise, it’s time to share. Life isn't a one woman show any longer, I now have to split center.

The other night, my old "individual" self reared its ugly head (again). I found myself in the middle of a temper tantrum over the silliest little thing ever. My husband, in an attempt to be helpful, had put everything in my change jar into coin rolls to take to the bank. Instead of being appreciative, I felt totally violated! It was ridiculous, I didn't want to share. Basically the whole thing boiled down to my confusing what is "mine" and what is "ours". When I finally stepped back to realize how inconsequential the $27 in change was compared to his financial contribution (that we're currently living off of) I felt like a total brat. When it comes to marriage, I’m fully prepared to take the perks of being part of a team, but not willing to sacrifice the control of being an individual. That is a truth that is a little bit embarrassing and a whole lot selfish.

I guess I didn't realize how empowered I felt being an individual and making my own decisions. Quite honestly, I detest listening to other's input (well, if it’s different than mine anyway. If you agree with me, I’m all ears). In the past, compromise made me feel weak. Being part of a team was somehow less impressive than doing it alone. Which partly explains my resistance. Marriage would be more comfortable for "me" if he would just step back and let me rule the roost. I wouldn't have to grow and learn at all if he'd just let me drive. (Oh man, don't even get me started on sitting in the passenger seat in the car!!!!)

But thank God, I married a man with a back bone. He actually has opinions and doesn't particularly like it when I disregard them. Plus, he fell in love with the individual me. He has no desire to see her completely squashed and run out of town. He understands that we both have things to contribute to our relationship. He seems to have this "whole is greater than the sum of its parts" thing down pat. He's absolutely turned my conception of compromise on its head. He's considerate, respectful, generous, and able to share so effortlessly. He chooses his battles and anticipates our needs incredibly well. My eyes have been opened because his compromises aren't weak. He exemplifies strength through teamwork. It is incredible.

I could learn a lesson or two from him. Right now, my lingering individuality is coming across as anything but strong. True strength would be to let go of the "me" of my past and embrace the blessing of the "we" of right now.

Why I Love Being Married to My Husband

In honor of the holiday, I’ve compiled a list about my Valentine:

• I always have a really hot date for important occasions
• I don't feel the pressure to be "out on the town" in the "place to be"
• He loves me even when I’m at my very worst
• I have a strong, supportive shoulder to cry on
• He is always there to laugh with me when life throws a curve ball
• He warms the bed
• When I’m having a narcissistic episode, his presence (not his words) reminds me it’s not all about me
• He takes out the trash
• I still get flowers for no reason at all
• He pays attention to details
• He's an amazing listener
• He's still pursuing me

Why I'm Not Working in a Bakery

Recently we celebrated my new husband's 33rd birthday. Being the thoughtful and hungry wife that I am, I decided to bake him a birthday cake from scratch. My first hurdle was the realization that we do not own a cake pan. How is this possible considering we had literally 7 pages of kitchen registry items from bed, bath and beyond? I'm not quite sure. Nobody thought to mention this gaping hole in my Martha Stewart training kit?

I did not allow this to ruin my mission. Since I am both a creative and crafty cook-in-training, I remembered that we did receive a very fun red muffin tray. Obviously, cupcakes were the route to take.

After one frustrating experience and a sinful sundae from outback later, I’ve come away with 2 lessons. First, there is a difference between "self-rising" and "all purpose" flour. Second, when the recipe suggests filling the muffin tins half-way, that is probably a good idea.