Kinda Blue

I'm kinda having a rough day.

Now, before you try to comfort me or feel sorry for me, I just want you to know that I'm not writing this post to illicit pity or unnecessary worry.  I'm just writing it to be real.  I just want it to be known that even when I'm being present, even when on the whole I'm feeling content, I still have days that are yuck.  You do too, right?

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has days like this?  Today I know that I'm incredibly blessed.  Today I know my circumstances could be so much worse.  Today, even while I recognize the wonderful things in my life, I feel blah.  I feel dissatisfied and I long for more.  Tell me you've been here too.

Typically when I get here though, I'm so uncomfortable I try to figure out how to get out of it as quickly as possible.
I quickly try to explain why I'm feeling this way by using theological or faith based explanations.
I look to physiological reasons for my melancholy and do something about them.
I even point to circumstances that put me in the funk and start playing the blame game.


But, today I'm trying something a little bit different.  See, if I went down any of those paths right away I would fall into my usual trap of intellectualizing my dilemma and gloss over all the feelings.  And let me tell you that doesn't really help me in the long run.  (...just ask my analyst) By dismissing the feelings as a byproduct of some bigger issue, I've gotten myself all tied up in knots in the past. 

Instead today I'm going to go ahead and feel the feelings.  Today I'm going to go ahead and marinate in the "blue."  I'm going to let these feelings teach me what they need to.  I'm going to experience the blah and not try to explain it away.  It's not going to be comfortable, but it just might be growth.

And then hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up feeling differently.

Okay, now if you still feel like comforting me I'm ready for it!!

*If you like this piece you really should check out Audrey Kawasaki's website.  There is some amazingly beautiful stuff there.