7.02.2009

Thankful Thursday/ Episode 24

Thursday came around just in time this week! Despite the numerous terrific things that are happening, I was consumed by my reoccurring sense of entitlement. Bogged down by the weight of what I consider a “difficult” life, I got all self focused and whiny. It’s easy to do. Introspection, while helpful if it ignites growth and change, can be crippling if it’s partnered with lazy, greedy selfishness. So, yah, Thankful Thursday! Finally motivation to start looking outward in appreciation. Life looks so much better from this perspective.

So on with the gratitude.

For the past few months I’ve really begun to realize what a toll my job can take on my emotional stability. I’ve taken about a million steps to not let that happen, but the reality is that I have an emotionally taxing job. Since I’m quite certain I don’t want (and can’t afford) to leave, I’ve come to a difficult and humbling realization. I’m in a place I never thought I’d be emotionally. Having spent much of my life as a DIE HARD feminist, it is really tough for me to admit that “I can’t do it all.” It’s also crazy hard for me to even type that my desire to be a wife (partly in the 1950s definition of the word – cooking and housekeeping) is stronger than my desire to have a career. (Seriously, I’m tempted to delete that sentence right now… for real. Who am I?)

And before anyone gets up in arms... It isn’t that my husband is demanding or even requesting that of me. On the contrary, Brian is much better at house work than I will ever be. And he knew that before we were even married. I’m not really all that domestic – I don’t cook well, I’m sloppy and I don’t even own a strand of pearls. But, I have a desire to improve. I want to learn how to keep a home. And even more importantly, I want to continue to work and grow our relationship. Right now, my job does not allow me to do any of that well or with any joy. This is not an easy thing for me to admit. I mean, I am woman, hear me roar. No task is too big. No expectation is unreachable. There is NEVER too much on my plate. Right? Well, I’m standing up and saying that for me, that’s wrong.

See, part of the difficulty of my current position is that it leaves me emotionally exhausted. Management is not something that comes easily to me. This is one of the first jobs that I’ve ever had where I have to really work hard to be pretty mediocre. All that effort is wearing me out. I’m learning a ton and I’m getting better. But in the meantime, I’m exhausted. And the exhaustion is hurting my marriage. So, it’s come to my attention that something has to give. Since I have no desire for that to be my marriage… I’m reprioritizing. Marriage – really my relationship with Brian – HAS to come before my job. Thankfully, I have a boss who is compassionate, understanding and cares more for her employees than the organization for which we all work.

Episode 24: “Today I am thankful for… a boss who sees me as more than just a human resource.”

We’ve worked out a schedule that will allow me more time at home. It will allow me more time to focus on our relationship. It will allow me more time to live a life outside our centers. She recognizes the importance of my marriage and my emotional well-being and has encouraged me to ALWAYS put those things first. In all my years in the workforce, for me, that is unprecedented. I’ve had bosses who’ve cared for me, obviously, but not any as willing as my current boss to put me above the organization. I was flabbergasted by her generosity and warmth when I approached her with my proposal. In turn, what her handling of this situation has fostered in me is a readiness and willingness to continue to serve. I’m more loyal to this job than any other I’ve had. And I look forward to my time away from the centers making me a more productive employee when I’m actually at work. All in all, the new schedule seems to be a win/win deal.

So today, I am thankful.

And she has a sense of humor too... Here she is at our annual safety meeting!

1 comment:

angelonwheels said...

I love this, and I admire your courage to acknowledge you are human! You are blessing to me Molly!