5 and Counting

It was nearly 5 years ago that I woke up, yet again, on my bathroom floor. I was completely unable to remember how I got there and to my dismay my car was in the driveway - which meant I drove home again! Some of my drunk friends and I used to call experiences like this time traveling. It was our way of making light of a really serious predicament. But this morning was different. This time, I didn't think it was funny. This time it seemed serious. I felt like I'd been run over by a dump trunk. My stomach was in major revolt and I was expected at work in less than an hour.

Crawling to my bed I wondered how I'd let this happen again. I tried to search my memory for any hints about the night before. As usual, much of the evening was a blur. Disgusted with myself, I recognized how out of control I had become. I had reached the end of my rope. For the first time, smoking a joint to settle my stomach and making myself presentable for work wasn't an appealing option. I wanted help. I needed a change. I longed for freedom.

Blackouts, empty relationships, persistent vomiting, and life lived in a fog just weren't cutting it anymore. My priorities changed with the flush of a toilet.

It was nearly 5 years ago that I woke up. And I had no idea how crazy things were about to get.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I am soooooo proud of you. We were just talking about how quickly time flies and trying to figure out how long you had been "healthy". Can't believe it is five years. We love you for your great inner strength and discipline.
mom and tom