Getting Over My Own Expectations

Over the past few weeks I've started and abandoned countless posts. There is no denying, I have plenty to write about. Life is changing. There is excitement all around. Prayers are being answered clearly, unquestionably and differently than we might have ever imagined. We're in the midst of an "ebenezer" moment in our lives. I am certain we will look back on these days and months for years to come and remember the joy, the provision, the excitement and the growth.  But as I stare at the computer screen and consider sharing the day to day details of the experience here on the blog, I'm overwhelmed with a sense of responsibility. I worry that focusing on things like the daily minutia of our move, my emotions or the little gifts that we are worshipfully receiving would be doing a disservice to the bigger story. Because, people, make no mistake I recognize that this move is big. It is BIG for our relationship, BIG for our faith, BIG for our present and BIG for our future. I've convinced myself that focusing posts on the daily minutia ignores the magnitude of this experience in our lives. The problem is, whenever I try to tell the big story it feels so big that all my thoughts get jumbled. Nothing I put down seems quite right. None of my words fully capture our reality. I struggle, uncertain how much to share and what parts of the story to keep close to my heart. Since I've been unable to tell the entire big story effectively, I've stayed relatively silent. Thinking that I won't be able to communicate everything perfectly, I've chosen not to communicate much at all. But, now I realize that that kind of thinking is a crock of crap.

Truth is, I'm just too close to do the big story justice right now. Being chin deep in all this transition, doesn't afford me the perspective necessary to tell it properly. So, I'm letting myself off the hook. The big story will have to wait for another day. Someday, with a little bit of distance, I'll have the perspective to share it all. Someday I'll be able to communicate the full impact it has had on my heart. Someday I'll be able to do the big story justice. But for now, I'm going to enjoy living in the story as it continues to unfold.