Veggie Therapy

With all this gushing I’ve been doing about contentment lately, like here and here, I was a little caught off guard by yesterday’s semi-meltdown.

This past weekend we went back to St. Louis to celebrate the life of the handsome hubby’s grandma. It was a short trip, but jam packed with family time and even a stop by the home church. Since recently I’ve been feeling pretty good about life in general and Chattanooga specifically, I wasn’t prepared for the crash that came yesterday (our first full day back in town). To be frank, it sucked. There were tears and at the risk of sounding even more dramatic than usual, an ache that wouldn’t go away. Which, I gotta admit is a bit of a bummer.  I thought contentment might drive the ache right out of town.  Not the first time I've been dead wrong.

However, I am pleased to report that I handled things differently this time. After recently discovering that I tend to stuff intellectualize emotions until they come spewing out like semi-automatic ammunition and wounding everyone around me, I decided to go ahead and experience the grief I was feeling. I gave myself a bit of time to mourn the fact that we had to come back here and leave family, friends, church, etc. back there. Then I picked up scripture and actually prayed for the ability to move forward, knowing it was never going to happen if I just relied on my own strength. Next, I got up, got dressed and worked on things around the house. And THEN went to Lowe’s to buy the supplies necessary to plant strawberries, tomatoes and an herb garden. And you know what surprised me? All of those things helped.


See, this winter, I was reticent to plant any veggies or herbs. I couldn’t get my mind around the fact that we might be in Chattanooga long enough to harvest and eat them. Surrendering to the fact that we probably will be was a huge step. Knowing that we most likely will be here all summer and all of the fall, I decided why not have home grown yummies to make life a little a sweeter? My little (unconventional) garden has become a kind of therapy.

It’s true as I write this now; I'm starting to feel the ache. Probably, I'm going to have to repeat some of the same stuff AGAIN to alleviate it. I guess I'm realizing that even with my new found contentment; there will be days that hurt.  The two are not mutually exclusive.


So, I planted strawberries and tomatoes this morning.


Lbeck said...

I cry every time we get back to Austin from a trip elsewhere. I don't hate it here, it's just not home. We have been here long enough that just thinking about St Louis and Chicago, and what I am missing, can get me feeling depressed. I get through it by knowing that this is not forever, and reminding myself that I am lucky to have such strong attachments to "home" and "family" and that I will be back there someday. A garden would help though. I am jealous!

Anonymous said...

It's so hard to just sit in the emotions, but you are doing it! I'm glad you are acknowledging your feelings and finding healthy outlets. And, shopping, even for plants, always lifts my spirits.

Audra said...

thanks for your encouragement! I tend to "intellectualize" my emotions as well (or "stuff" as you crossed out so wonderfully) and it's great encouragement to remember that it's better to deal with them square on before moving to the next thing. hope you're feeling better! how did you make your garden thingies? very cute!

Rachael said...

You ARE going to have those moments, we all do, it's what you do when they come that matters and it sounds like you've got a great attitude about it. You're very inspiring.

Molly Page said...

Thank you all so much for your sweet encouragement!

Audra, those are actually Topsy Turvys. I'll let you know if they work... our soil is more ROCK than soil, so I decided to try "gardening" this way!

Dontmissyoursunsetlady said...

Girl thanks for encouraging a sister stuffer lol! You are truly growing as a person, and it totally shows! Love you! Good luck with gardening!

Olivia said...

COOL! I like the planting! The oldest and I worked on her garden this week too and it was a blessing for our together time! We started from seed, though, which makes me very nervous. I really hope we get SOMETHING! (Oh, and if you move back to STL anytime soon, someone else is going to be boo-hooing!)