10.09.2009

Poker Face or Lack Thereof

Figuratively speaking, I can't wear a mask. I am just too stinking expressive. In my everyday life I am physically unable to completely hide my thoughts or feelings behind that socially acceptable "nice" face. It is rarely difficult to read exactly what I'm thinking, exactly when I'm thinking it. So, even when I'm able to bite my tongue (and let's face it, that doesn't happen all that often) my facial expression screams out my response.

This can be a wonderful trait if you are looking for cheap entertainment. Hang around me enough and you'll see that I am constantly getting myself into trouble. I regularly show all my cards simply by lifting an eyebrow or dropping my jaw at an inopportune moment. Professionally, of course, I have more (though not perfect) control over my rubber face. And I can justify holding back my true reactions because I'm acting on behalf of my employer rather than as a free agent. But when out there representing only me, this a real challenge.

I've always considered it "honesty". I'm just being real, you know? Like if I think what you're saying is cuckoo but I act like it's just as normal as can be... am I really being straight with you? No. Or if I find myself uncomfortable or frustrated with someone's inappropriate behavior but I keep a flat affect, aren't I condoning the idiocy? It kind of feels like I am. But there seems to be a fine line between honesty and socially acceptable lying. I have a really tough time figuring out how to walk that line. Time after time I feel caught between a reaction that feels, to me, disingenuous and acting in a way that others interpret as rude too honest. What's a girl to do?

Unfortunately, not everyone wants you to be honest with them. Some people are just too fragile for the truth. They "Can't handle the truth!" (Did you read that with your best Nicholson impression? If not, go back and try it again. I'll wait...) So, when my eyes roll, I exhale with disdain or my brow furrows, suddenly it's a hate crime! I can't say I fully understand that kind of uber sensitivity. Man up, sensitive Sally, it's a tough world out there. And in this world we don't always agree. That being said, the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone's feelings. humph. It's a true conundrum.

If you love this piece of art as much as I do, you should check out the artist Audrey Kawasaki. The rest of her work is equally beautiful!

1 comment:

angelonwheels said...

When I finally do speak my mind people are shocked almost to the point of offense. I wish I were more like you in speaking my mind. That's why I pratice on you lol! Great Post Btw